week two

What a fucking week.

Currently I am drinking a mix drink of pineapple bacardi with sparkling grape juice. Which in all honesty is mostly bacardi and I have no shame to that.

Anyways, it’s been a fucking week. Now I say this every friday once I finally sit down on the couch with my large drink and start thinking about what I’ve done this week. But it’s been more of a week of trouble in my personal life than my work life.

This past weekend I was on call. From the grace of the universe I only had 2 calls…. From 8 AM Friday until 8 AM Monday morning. I only had two calls. This is something that never happens, truly never. But those two calls happened on Sunday. I was home by 9 PM Sunday night and went to bed around 10. So my problem is, whenever I’m on call I can truly never sleep. I have a fear that I won’t hear my phone ring. So I just don’t sleep. And if I do sleep, I have terrible nightmares about missing a call or with my current clients. But come Monday morning when my alarm went off at 6:10 AM I decided that I couldn’t function well enough to go to the gym…. Then I clocked out at 3:15 PM and got stoned at home. Which was amazing, and the first time in a long time.

Come Tuesday, I did go, but was late and only did 30 minutes of elliptical. That day was so good at work though. I started a trial home visit with a mom that I have such happiness for. She’s an amazing person and has conquered so much and I can’t tell you how happy it made me to say “your children are coming home tonight”.

Wednesday was a shit show. I didn’t make it to the gym. I was in the dumbest meeting of my life until 12. Then I had recovery court until 2:30. During that time one of my clients was higher than a kite, the other said that the service providers don’t help her, and the other cried the entire time. Again, shit show. Then I was at work until 7:30 PM for paperwork. After that my bestie came over with dinner and I love her for it.

Thursday, was lovely. First of all, it was finally over 60 degrees. For the first time this year my husband and I took the babies for a walk with shorts and flip flops on. Then we went to dinner with some good friends and got stoned at a park.

Friday was busy, but lovely. We had our all staff meeting, so everyone in the office was sitting and listening to our office director. It was cool because I got a shout out for being awesome (hell yeah). But it was also cool because it always makes me feel hopeful for my job. After that, I visited said parent that I love and then went to visit my favorite little guys that are a couple hours south. They are getting adopted by their great grandparents. Their parents haven’t seen them in over a year and they don’t even ask about them. It’s sad truly but they are the sweetest children I’ve ever met and they love me. On my way home I got a call from one of my mothers in tears. She was so upset because her food stamps hadn’t started yet. She had just moved to a new county and the office hadn’t figure it out yet. And I knew everything because I spoke with the office on Wednesday to set up her food stamps and sent paperwork for her. So when they still hadn’t figure it out, I couldn’t help but feel bad. She said that she worked with her home based worker to find some food pantries in her new area but they were all closed until Monday. She also tried calling family and friends for money to get food for the weekend because she had nothing to feed them in her new house. So as she cried I changed my route and went straight to her house. I spent 100 dollars on groceries for her and the family to help out. Would I get fired for buying her food? Fuck yeah I would. Do I care? No, because I won’t let children starve for a weekend.

I think the main problem is, I knew for a fact that my supervisor and office director would not approve of buying this mom and her children groceries on the Department’s budget so I had no choice but to do this. And it’s not the first time I’ve helped out a family money wise. But it’s fine.

Now the sad part is, I haven’t been to the gym since Tuesday and I feel like a fatty McFatFuck. But my period also started making me feel worse, and I’m extremely emotional. So when that mom called crying, I cried. My personal problem is I am extremely emotional no matter what. I have a huge heart and can’t not say no to anyone. But when I’m menstruating, I’m doomed.

I did do a few things sucessfullying this week! I drank my gallon of water everyday and I ate well! So happiness there. Then tomorrow I’m headed home to see my family.

Happy weekend!!